Test Results & Health Kick-off

So our nurse, Dawn, called yesterday and gave us our test results. Sperm analysis was great, other than the morphology being a little on the low end, but it wasn't significant enough to matter. My uterus looked great from my hysteroscopy. It turns out I don't have any anti-bodies built up to Adam's swimmers, which is great. My vision of my anti-bodies and Adam's swimmers gearing up for battle was a funny thought though. My AMH level came back at 8.6 which apparently is excellent. They like it to be above 1, so I'm sittin pretty at 8.6. :) I guess my ovaries and eggs aren't as old and dicrepid as suspected. The communicable diease panel on each of us was negative of course......testing positive for chlamydia would be all we would need right now. ...can you imagine? After all of this blood work we've had over the years, at least we know we're relatively healthy. So we have that going for us....which is nice.

So once again, everything looks great. ....and I say that with as much sarcasm as I can muster. I'm having my biopsy next Thursday and will get the results about a week later. That should be an interesting one. The nurse did mention that Dr. Surrey is putting me on a antagonist cycle. She is putting a "schedule" together for me next week, so I will share that when I receive it.

On another note, I am so happy that other people with their own blogs etc. are reaching out to me and sharing their experiences. Infertility feels SO lonely sometimes and it's so nice to hear from people who truly understand what we're going through. I am also in awe of our friends and family who have reached out to us to help as well. We feel very loved and supported and can't thank everyone enough.

So today, Adam and I are kicking off our "optimal health" program. We had a great discussion this morning about our feelings towards all of this. We have both been in a state of depression the last few years. I feel exhausted all the time, I feel lazy and I feel sad. Infertility has taken over our lives and become a full-time job. We haven't been able to plan anything in advance for years, because we never know where we'll be in a cycle. We're hesitant to buy a bigger house, because every dime we save goes to infertility or maybe even eventually adoption. I feel like I live at the Dr.'s office for blood work, ultrasounds and I feel like a pin cushion. I feel like all of this is so unfair. Why do other people get to make love and create a child, while we have to pay thousands of dollars, go through hell, and more often than not, have nothing to show for all of it. It's exhausting. Adam is tired of watching me cry and go through procedure after procedure when there is nothing he can do to help. I created this blog so I could vent my true feelings and be honest about them. Please don't get me wrong, we know how lucky we are in our lives. We are in a strong and happy marriage, we have a nice home, 2 great jobs, 2 pugs who are the best fur-babies anyone could ask for, the best parents in the world, siblings we call our best friends, families who are so full of love, and friends who support, love and never give up on us. I am also fully aware that there are people fighting everyday for their lives with diseases that aren't fair either or losing family members and friends to a young age, which isn't fair either. Life isn't fair, and I'm aware of that....more now than ever, but I feel like I am pretty strong through all of this and need to vent and ask the question "why me?" every once in awhile. Okay, I'm done....and actually feel a lot better.

So now on to the "health" part of all of this. We have decided to start a new attitude going into this cycle. Niether of us has worked out in months and we have been eating like crap again. Starting today, we are going back to our "pre-holiday" organic healthy eating, regular workouts and we are going to look into supports groups. I need to learn to let go of stupid things that don't matter and to deal with stress. I need to learn how to cope with all of this, instead of just feeling bitter, sad and crying myself to sleep. I'm sure my mental, physical and emotional state right now are definitely not ideal for a pregnancy, and I want to change it. Adam is on board and is going to start taking his vitamins....that I normally have to literally watch him take or he won't take it, and he's going to start jogging again and eating better. Okay, here's the big news....I've decided to start trying a few healthier recipes.....yes, that means cook.....now let's not get crazy or anything....I'm going to start off with a goal of making 2 dinners during the work week and a few on the weekends. I've been looking into some vegetarian recipes that look great and am headed to whole foods this afternoon to stock up. I love that store, and have shopped there semi-organic for a year now, but I am going there with a purpose now and know what I'm specifically looking for. I'll let you know how that goes. :)

So that's it for now.....sorry for kind of a "heavy" post but I really do feel much better. I really want this blog to be light-hearted and sarcastic instead of sad and heavy, but every once in awhile, I have to let it out.

Thanks again for being here!

Love,
T & A (It stands for Tiff and Adam....get your minds out of the gutters!:) )