Thursday, March 26, 2009

Support Group

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. There has been a lot going on.

I went to my first support group meeting last Thursday night and loved every second of it. There were tears yes, but a lot of laughter too. There were 12 women who all happen to be at different points in their TTC journey. It was great support and before we knew it, 3 hours had passed. I plan on going again this month and am already looking forward to it. It was nice to be surrounded by women who truly understand the emotional roller coaster all of this is.

One of the things that was mentioned during the support group, was the song by Kellie Coffey called "I would die for that." It's a song about infertility and I've already listened to it at least 25 times since yesterday and I still cry everytime I hear it. Adam and I listened to it for the first time together and he held me while I cried and couldn't believe how much every word "hit home" for both of us.

I found a link to the song, if you would like to listen to it. If the video is too much, just listen to the words. It's so powerful, especially for my friends who are fighting the fight with Adam and I.

The birth control pills are going as well as can be expected. I've gained 4 lbs. in 2 weeks and I'm crying one minute and laughing the next. Weight gain was always a fun little side effect of BCP's.....because I don't have enough to already feel betrayed by my body about. I start my daily injection of "hate" tomorrow night. (lupron) Can't wait for that. :) Poor Adam.

Tenley went to the vet this morning for her 2 week post-op visit. They took out her eye stitches....but the best news is appears that she can see a little bit! She can follow a toy if you move it from left to right and she can walk around without running into everything. This is just what they would hope to expect at this point. They told us big things at 2-3 weeks post-op and smaller things at 4-6 weeks post-op. Hopefully she'll be good as new in about 3-4 weeks. The only bad news is that some of the silicone oil they use to hold the retinas in place has leaked to the front of her right eye. Basically, she has to go back in for a minor surgery to get the oil out or it can cause "cornea adema." Lord only knows what that's going to cost us. :) All in all, we're just happy she can see something again.....and she is such a HAPPY dog. Lots of kisses and tail wagging going on. She's making up for Mommy's bad mood I guess. :)

Anyway, that's it for now. We're still set to travel to Denver on April 23rd, do the transfer on the 24th, bedrest from the 24th through the 26th and fly home on the 27th. I took 2 weeks off of work to just lay around and relax when we get home. This way when it doesn't work....I can say I literally tried EVERYTHING.

Thanks for being here!

T & A

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Transfer Meds are under way

Let's start off with some good news. Thank you so much to my sister Heidi for sending flowers for Adam and I and some special gourmet dog treats for Tenley and Cooper. That was SO sweet of you and a wonderful surprise. :)
I want to also thank my Mom and Dad, and sisters Sandie and Hallie for taking Cooper on Saturday for the day and wearing her out! She was so antsy being stuck at home with us and Tenley while she's recovering, that a day at Grandma and Grandpa's was just what she needed. She was EXHAUSTED and had so much fun. :)

Okay, now let's get down to business.....

AF arrived on Friday which was such a treat. Nothing like awful cramps after an awful week to just stick the knife in and twist it. :)

I remember when Adam and I were first married and wanted to wait a year to get pregnant. I was happy to see af and if she arrived late, it was a "scare." If I only knew then that we had built in birth control that we didn't even know about. I long for the naive days when I assumed that the first time we tried to get pregnant....we would. In fact, we figured out that the time of our last attempt at biological children with our embryo transfer in April, will be EXACTLY 4 years from the time we went on a cruise to officially start "trying." 4 years of our lives focused on starting a family and nothing to show for it except for heartache and bitterness. Unbelievable.

So I started birth control pills on Sunday night because it was CD3. Birth control pills are my arch-enemy. In fact, a more appropriate name would be "evil pills." I hate them and they hate me and they make me hate everyone and everything all at the same time. A lot of hate going around. One minute I'm laughing.....the next I'm crying...or screaming...or maybe even punching my pillow. It's not pretty.

I take these until March 31st, and starting on March 27th, I add my daily injection of my other arch-enemy, Lupron. I stop BCP's on the 31st, but continue the lupron injections until April 19th. So basically, a daily injection of "hate" for 24 days. Oh joy. Poor Adam.

In the midst of all of this, I should get a bonus af (nothing like an "extra" period to get the excitement flowing) on or around April 3rd. Once this happens, I will add in estrogen patches every day......PURE estrogen being pumped into my body through a patch on top of the "hate" injection. Hormones galore....but gets better.

Starting on April 17th, I will add progesterone to the list of hormones. I will be doing that 3 times a day until the transfer.

Once the transfer takes place on April 24th, I will be on progesterone and some more progesterone....with a side of intra-muscular injections of progesterone until the pregnancy test 2 weeks later.

I'm basically going to be a big, giant, hormonal mess.

Tenley is doing MUCH better. The problem now is that she has her energy back and it's been really hard to keep her quiet. She has another appointment on Thursday morning to look at her retinas and see how they're doing. Hopefully they're regenerating and she'll be able to see in another 2-3 weeks or so.

We have received so many e-mails the last few days asking about Tenley and checking in on us to see how we're doing. My favorites are the ones that simply say "love you" or "thinking of you." It's not fair for us to expect anyone to be able to make us feel better or know what to say, and to be honest there really isn't anything anybody can say that would take away the pain of what we're going through. Just knowing we're loved is enough and means more than you know.

As always, thanks for being here!

T & A

Friday, March 13, 2009

Tenley - Finally some good news

I want to start with a picture of Tens the day we got home from surgery. Poor baby.

Now after 2 days of IV fluids, 2 shots to control her vomiting / nausea, another shot to give her some pain relief, a spoonful of "force-fed" food and then some rice mixed with chicken bouillon and special food from the vet that mommy made at home......this is Tens now!!!!! This is how she welcomed daddy home from work.....and you can guess what came bawling....happy tears this time. Isn't it sad that her eating and welcoming Adam home was the best thing that's happened to us in a long time? :) We'll take it though and are so happy she's feeling better!!!!!! Cooper is even happier. She's been so stressed out about Tenley that she hasn't been eating either....and she is one to NEVER miss a meal. She scarfed her special mixture down too, is playful again and all is well in our little family again....for now. :)

Now, let's hope she keeps the food down and gets a good night's sleep.....for both our sakes. :)

Thanks for being here! Future posts will be about fertility stuff again, as it was meant to be all along. :)

T & A (and Tens and Coop)

Tenley is home!

I just got back home with Tenley and she is on my lap as I type this. They gave her some more IV fluids all day and a really strong shot to stop the vomiting. They also gave her a shot for pain because it's very obvious that her muscles are sore. Everytime someone picks her up, she winces and whimpers. They also managed to get a tiny bit of food in her through a syringe. We are supposed to give her rice mixed with the special food they gave us periodically, a little at a time tonight. I can tell she still doesn't feel well, but she did wag her tail when she heard my voice and I took her from the nurse. So now we keep our fingers crossed that she will be back on the road to recovery in the next few days. My poor baby. I'm taking her back in the morning as well and they will probably give her one more shot for the pain she's in. I'll keep you updated.

T & A

Another rough night....

Tenley has not improved at all. They gave her IV fluids all day yesterday and we were able to bring her home last night. I slept with her again, or at least laid with her since neither of us actually slept and she is still miserable. She still can't stop vomiting and threw up twice last night and 3 times this morning. She is back at the vet today with more IV fluids and they are going to give her something stronger to settle her stomach before they force feed her. She needs to get some thing in her stomach, but she won't eat because she's so nauseas. She hasn't eaten since 6pm Tuesday night. I am waiting to her from her surgeon because the other concern is the vomiting could hurt her chances of her retinas re-generating and the surgey could fail because of it. I have gotten pretty snippy with the vets lately telling them that poor Tenley is going through hell and they need to stop her vomiting or she will go through it for nothing and she still won't be able to see. I want my sweet little Tenley back. I did get a few kisses in the middle of the night while I was petting her at 2am trying to get her to sleep. She was shaking when we walked into the vet and she could smell where we were. It broke my heart to hand her over to them again when all she wants to do is lay on my lap. She whimpered when the nurse took her....which you know what happened bawling. They're going to call me in a little while to let me know how she's doing. I'll keep you posted.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Tenley Update

Tenley is not doing well. It was a long night for all of us. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep because the poor thing was so miserable and could not get comfortable with the e-collar on her head. The only place she is comfortable is next to me with her head and chin resting on my stomach. Cooper thought it was a big sleepover party and insisted on sleeping on my head all night.

I took her to the optometrist for a follow-up appointment today. She threw up on the way there and cries out in pain whenever she's picked up. She had projectile vomiting all over me in front of the Dr. and they immediately rushed her back for some IV fluids. She threw up again, so they gave her a shot to try to settle her stomach. They told me that it's been a LONG time since they've seen a dog this sick from anethesia and they do a lot of surgeries. So I start bawling in the vet. They tell me that they have to check for pancreatic inflammation which can happen from the amount of vomiting she was doing. It turned out to be okay, but she is in really bad shape. They called our regular vet and sent me over there. They were waiting for me when we got there and took her back. They are keeping her there today and maybe even overnight and are going to start her on an IV drip. The Dr. is going to call me around 4pm and give me an update, but I am allowed to call and check on her whenever I want. I took her favorite blanket up there and haven't stopped crying....again. All I do these days is cry and I'm starting to wonder when it will end. Hopefully soon. I'll update you again later.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Tenley's Surgery

Tenley had her surgery today. Everything went as "well as it possibly could and very smooth" according to the Dr. Her retinas were both in good shape still and easy to re-attach. Now her body needs to accept it and re-generate the "signal" endings to her optic nerve and she should be able to see. :) She was given an 80-85% chance of success with her right eye, and about 50-60% for her left eye. I know you're all thinking the odds are in her favor.....but we don't look at it that way......not anymore. We've been told that everything was perfect so many times and then crushed later on. Adam and I always seem to be on the crappy end of statistics with everything, so we're trying to be optimistic, but I'll believe it when I see it. She's doing okay, but pretty out of it. She's taking after her mommy with the amount of drugs she has to take over the next 3-6 weeks. She has 3 sets of eye drops several times a day and 3 other medications during the day as well. Thank God it's all in writing.

Her eyes are sewn shut 1/3 of the way to protect them. She will be in her kennel whenever we're gone to keep her and Cooper seperated. She hasn't been in her kennel since she was 10 months old, so she's probably going to be pissed.....but will hopefully forgive us when she can see again in 4 weeks. :)

Cooper has been an angel. We were really worried because she's still so playful and VERY demanding. She is the definition of bitch....she's a cute bitch, but a bitch nonetheless. We thought for sure she would attack Tens when we got home to play. She has been the sweetest little dog. She hasn't touched her once, except to gently sniff her and kiss her sweet. Tenley feel asleep on the floor because she can't seem to get comfortable with her e-collar on her bed or the couch and Cooper has completely left her alone. We can tell she's concerned because she just sits in front of Tenley and stares at her in such a loving and concerned way. We are so relieved. Cooper is usually such a stinker so we are so proud of her!

I am still in a complete fog. I had a breakdown with Adam last night that I really needed. I've felt like I was drowning in bad news and heartache lately, and haven't been able to catch my breath. I felt much better after Adam held me while I sobbed for 2 straight hours last night. He is such a wonderful husband. Sometimes, I have to remind him that he's going through this too and he needs to grieve too. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. I feel bad that I just can't talk to any family / friends yet. I know they love me, and I can't explain why I handle things this way. I just feel like I'm okay one minute and as soon as I start thinking about it, I start crying. When I talk about it, I start crying. When I get an e-mail, I start crying and it just never ends. I'm in such a weak emotional state right now, that I need to try to get stronger before I can handle facing anyone else.

I talked to my CCRM nurse, Dawn, tonight. Our embryo transfer date will be Friday, April 24th. We will be in Denver the 23rd through the 28th. I'm not even excited. I'm terrified, sad, stressed and everything else that comes with your literal "last chance" at a biological child.

I just really wanted to let everyone know that Tenley's surgery went well and we'll know if she can see again in 3-6 weeks.

Thanks for being here,


T & A

Monday, March 9, 2009

I'm sick of this shit

As you can probably tell, we got some really crappy news today. Out of 24 eggs, 16 original embryos and 13 that were still "normal" as of Friday....we have ONE that was quality enough to be biopsied today. Let me repeat that, ONE that made it to blast. We actually have 5 blasts....however, 4 of them are of the lowest possible quality you can have. The cells that would eventually become the baby, are completely in disarray.

So after bawling on the phone with the head of embryology lab and then bawling again on the phone with Dr. Surrey who called me personally because I'm sure John from the lab told him I was a disaster........we've decided to skip the testing on our one little quality blast. I mean, does it really matter at this point? If it's abnormal, it just won't implant. We paid $5,350 for this additional testing out of pocket and with our luck we would waste that money just to be told, with our luck, that's it's abnormal? They already biopsied it, but are going to refund us the rest, minus the cost of biopsing because they haven't shipped the cells yet. As I was bawling, I told Dr. Surrey we neded that money to adopt and it would be a complete waste. He agreed that at this point, we should just go ahead with the frozen transfer of our 3 frozens and be done with this shit....shit was my word, not his.

We went to CCRM because they are the best in the country and we were hoping to get some answers. I think we definitely got some answers....some really sucky ones....but answers nonetheless............we create crappy embryos together. Plain and simple. He said that neither of us is necessarily the "problem." Adam's sperm and my eggs just apparently hate each other. As individuals, they are each great, but they come together and just don't mesh.

We've decided to do a frozen transfer of our 3 embryos we have frozen. We have 1 frozen and PGD'd from IVF #1, another one frozen from FCI from IVF# 3 and now one frozen from CCRM from IVF#4. Basically, one from every Dr. we've had over the years. So now we wait for my period to start and start prepping for the transfer, which will be a lot sooner than early June now. Is there a chance, it could work? Yes.......but a much higher chance that it won't or i will just miscarry again. The sooner the better as far as we're concerned. The sooner the transfer won't work or our embryos won't survive the thaw, and our hearts can be broken again, and the sooner we can move on to adoption. Like I said, I'm sick of this shit. $25,000 down the drain with this ONE least with adoption, we pay $30,000 and we WILL get a baby out of it. We will actually GET to be parents.

In other news, I had to take Cooper to the vet this morning because she now has bronchitis. Just what we needed. I have one freakin embryo, a blind dog and now a bronchitis infected dog on top of it. Life just doesn't get much better than this.

Adam and I are requesting no calls today. Neither of us really want to all. Adam is stuck at work, completely devastated. At least I can be home and cry. He has to stay at work and try to get through the day because of meetings etc. He is trying to come home early, but doesn't think he'll be able to. I want to just shut myself off from the world for a little while and deal with this on my own. I don't want to hear anything about a plan for us, or there's a baby out there for us, or any of that crap. The bottom line is that all my life I've wanted to be pregnant and give birth to the man I love's baby and that's clearly not going to happen, so please just let me deal with this overwhelming sense of loss and deal with it on my own terms and in my own way.

T & A

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Tenley Update - Surgery Scheduled

Tenley's surgery has been scheduled for Wednesday at 11:00am. We have to be there by 8am so they can run a few tests and prep her for surgery. The surgery will be 2-3 hours long. She'll be in recovery for about an hour and we'll be able to bring her home that afternoon. Adam talked to the Dr. again this morning and we asked a few more questions. We feel very confident in the questions we asked. I researched the Dr. and we're very confident he will do a great job.

He's giving her a 75% chance of regaining her vision. The 25% failure comes in because what happens is that even though he can re-attach the retina, it's up to the body to accept it and re-generate it. Sometimes the body rejects it for some reason. The surgery can go perfectly, but for some reason, the body won't re-generate the retina once it's re-attached. I also asked if it was hereditary and he said there is not enough evidence to say yes. He said it's similar to humans where a child can develop a disease with NO family history of that disease at all. He has traced detached retinas back several generations of dogs before through breeders and more often than not, there is no history of it in the dog's family. Interesting stuff.

As far as one or two eyes, he will be able to tell us that morning, before surgery, if both eyes have a chance, or just one eye. Wednesday will be a long and stressful day. She should regain her sight within 3-6 weeks after surgery. Keep your fingers crossed for our little "Tens!" We just love her so much and want her to be able to see again!

There are no more updates from CCRM until Monday on our little embabies, but I promise to post as soon as I hear anything.

Thanks for being here,

Love ya,
T & A

Friday, March 6, 2009

Some pics from our trip

I thought I would add a few pics from our trip. :)

This is Adam....waaaayyyy too excited to stick that thing in my rear on trigger night. :)

This was what my stomach looked like the night before, was I bloated and swollen. I hope the next time my stomach looks like this, it's because there's an actual baby in there...not just a bunch of eggs! :)

Before Retrieval.......

......and now the picture you've all been waiting for........While I was in the retrieval, Adam made a visit to "the room." This is his "view" from "the chair." Can you feel the romance? This is our reality....poor guy.

After Retrieval....trying to give the thumbs up sign.....I don't even remember this. :)

Finally enjoying something to eat and drink! What was with me and the "thumbs up?" I think Adam was encouraging me. Too bad I puked all of this up about an hour later.....oh well.

The view from the balcony of the condo we stayed in. Not bad.

Nothing exciting, just a few pics from our 4th and final retrieval experience!
I am hoping to save all of this for our baby / babies one day!

T & A

Some fun news from today

I wanted to dedicate a special separate post to this, because after the awful couple of days we've had about Tenley and emotional couple of weeks we've had, I got some really great news today. My brother-in-law, Aaron (Adam's brother) recently got engaged which the whole family was so excited about. Adam is excited to be Aaron's best man and his fiance' Amy asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding today and it was just what I needed to make me smile today! I am so honored and excited to be a part of their special day! Thank you so much Amy! It means more to me than you know! Looking forward to June 12, 2010! Love you both!

Tiff :)

Day 3 Fertilization Report & Tenley update

CCRM called this afternoon with our day 3 embryo update. Out of our 16 embryos, we have 13 that are within "normal" range. They say "normal" if the embryo has between 6-10 cells and less than 20% fragmentation. So overall, we're happy with that. Now the big test comes as they develop over the weekend and we find out Monday how many were able to be biopsied, frozen and sent for testing. Some will be biopsied on Sunday and others on Monday. Our 2 frozen embryos arrived there safe and sound as well. One of them will be biopsied with the others on Monday and the other will remain frozen since it's already gone through PGD testing and was determined "normal." Our goal is to have 8 embryos make it to blastocyst stage and get biopsied for testing. Please say prayers and keep your fingers crossed! :)

I want to say thank you to my best friend Kristi and Jeff and of course their precious little Addie for the letter and homemade cookies they sent us to welcome us home! They figured that after eating healthy for so long, we needed some junk food. They were definitely yummy. Thanks Mansfields!

I also want to thank everyone again for all of the VERY sweet and encouraging e-mails we've received over the last few weeks. I know I've said it a million times before, but we are so lucky to feel so loved by our friends and family. I have made several friends online through my research and fertility forums who are battling infertility as well and it feels so great to exchange stories and words of encouragement with each other. It makes all of this a lot less lonely. :) THANK YOU to everyone who remains by our sides through all of this!

So, the veterinary surgeon called about an hour ago and I was able to ask a million questions so I will just touch on the main points. He sounded wonderful and was so great about answering all of them. He said that out of all the dogs that have the surgery, 75% of them regain their vision. The surgey is about 2 hours / eye. They can get her in next Tuesday or Wednesday if we decide to go ahead. She would have a 3-4 week recovery where she would have to be kept as quiet as possible. No jumping on furniture or even going up and down the stairs etc.....she doesn't really do any of those things right now anyway since she can't see so she would be okay. No playing with other dogs either. He was fine that we have Cooper, but said that they would need to be seperated if play time erupted. They could snuggle at night still etc.....but as soon as any play started, we would have to seperate them. So sad. :( It would be worth it though if Tenley can eventually see again. Within 3-6 weeks she should be able to see again.....but if her vision doesn't come back within 6 most likely never will. She would get to come home with us the same day after surgery though which is nice. He said it's not a real "painful" recovery either. She would be on eye drops and other meds, but for the most part the meds would keep her pretty comfortable. She will have to wear an e-collar for 1-2 weeks, which should be interesting...since she hates wearing ANYTHING. The other thing he mentioned, without knowing her history at all, was that a common denominator with dogs who have detached retinas is that they are "toy shakers"...not just shakers, but violently shake their toys as if they're trying to kill the, that sums Tenley up in a nutshell. She has ALWAYS done that since she was 8 weeks old. Wish we would've known. He said not to beat ourselves up about it though, because it's not like we could take every one of her toys away from her or something. Anyway, Adam and I are discussing everything again tonight. The Dr. gave us his cell phone number directly if we have any more questions, which I thought was so nice. I'm sure Adam the auditor will have more questions for him. :) We have to call him as soon as we decide and she will be scheduled for Tuesday or Wednesday since time is of the essence. :)

Please say some more prayers for Tens and our little embabies!

Thanks for being here!

T & A

Thursday, March 5, 2009


I wanted to apologize for my "whiny" post a few minutes ago. I am in a really bad emotional place today and it came off really whiny. I am fully aware of the fact that especially with the economy the way it is right now, there are people out there struggling to put food on the table to feed their kids and people with medical bills piled up from fighting life-threatening diseases and people about to lose their homes because they are unemployed and can't pay the mortgage. I sounded like such a whiny brat on my previous e-mail. Yeah, we were saving for a bigger house....but we're lucky we have a nice house as it is. Yes, we would love to be able to make love and bring a baby into this world instead of paying thousands of dollars to do so, like the lucky ones do, but that's just not what's going to happen for us so we've accepted it the best way we can. The bottom line is that even when life seems so unfair, we are very lucky at the same time. I have to have faith that Tenley will be okay and that we will be parents very soon. It just may not be the way we had hoped and planned for. :)

Thanks for listening,


Fertilization Report Part #2

Today has been a day of good news, bad news and lots of tears.

The good news is that of the 8 eggs they were able to mature in the lab, 4 of them fertilized normally. So the good news is we have 16 embryos!!!! I will get a day 3 report tomorrow to see how many are still developing and how many we have lost. It's a great starting number though. :)

24 eggs
12 mature on day of retrieval
12 fertilized
8 more eggs matured overnight and were ICSI'd on day 2
4 more fertilized
= 16 embryos. :)

I will post the day 3 update tomorrow. :)

The bad news today is that I've been crying pretty much non-stop all morning. As you know, Our 5 year old Pug, Tenley lost her vision a few weeks ago pretty much out of nowhere. After a trip to the emergency vet, several trips to our regular vet and a trip to a veterinary opthamologist specialist today...she has 2 completely detached retinas and is completely blind. They ran some specialized tests today and were able to scope her eyes to find her retinas completely detached. The poor thing just shakes and has a hard time walking around because she can only see light. Surgery is an option. There are only 4 doctors in the country who do retina reattachment surgery and luckily there is one in Chicago. The cost.....$8,000 for both eyes. Thank God we're good savers. Unfortunately, with the $50,000 + out of pocket we've already paid over the last 4 years to start a family....something most people get to have sex and this bill, I really hope we don't have to adopt. That's another $30,000. So much for being good savers to buy a bigger house or for me to stay home with our kids one day. Our savings just goes to "life" for us. We'll be okay, but it just never seems to end. My only wish from this post is for people to TRULY realize how lucky they are and to not take anything for granted.

So that's been my day. Good and Bad...but such is life I suppose. This was the hand we were dealt and we're going with it...1 dollar at a time. :)

Tenley will be having surgery in the next few weeks because they like to do it as soon as possible from the time of detachment. Please say some prayers for our little "Tens" and for our embabies.

Thanks for being here!

T & A

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Fertilization Results

Have to get on the plane:

24 eggs
12 mature
12 fertilized
8 more matured overnight and are being fertilized today...will get the report tomorrow.

Will write more later!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Retrieval Details

So I'm feeling a little better than earlier. Still super crampy, but I would think that's to be expected after carrying around 24 eggs. :)

So we arrived this morning around 8am. They took me back and after a few sticks and tries, finally got my IV started. Adam came back and stayed with me until the anethesiologist came in to start the "happy juice" and wheel me away to the O.R. I remember giving Adam a kiss goodbye and getting on the table in the OR. I remember following a few instructions....and then......nothing. I woke up in recovery with my adorable hubby there. While I was in the OR, Adam got to make his fairwell visit to "the room" to make his contribution. He says it went well and I believe the word he used to decribe everything was "stellar." The embryologist came in and talked to us after I had woken up a little bit and told us they had retrieved 24 eggs and that Adam's sample looked great....of course, Adam prefers the word "stellar."

So they will fertilize them this afternoon and call us in the morning with a fertilization report. They usually expect about 75% of the eggs to be mature and about 75% of the mature fertilize. Hopefully we 'll end up with about 15 embryos tomorrow. After that, about 50-60% of the embryos won't survive until day 5 blastocyst stage where they are biopsied. Then once we send the biopsied cells off, about 50% will come back abnormal on average. In the end, after 24 eggs, if we can have 3-4 normal embryos come back from would be considered FANTASTIC. So that's our ultimate goal.

The test results take about 6 weeks so hopefully around April 19th, we will find out how many normals....if any...we have to transfer. We will get a phone call on Monday to tell us how many we had biopsied and how many were sent for testing. I'm going to be a mess until then. I have no control over anything at this point though, so I'm trying not to stress about it.

So Adam's swimmers are going through the ironman competition this afternoon as we speak...all competing to be the "chosen" ones. They are put through the ringer in tests. They are observed, washed, observed again, forced to swim up a tube, observed again, forced to swim towards some sticky stuff, then observed again and looked at closely....then chosen one by one out of several hundred million to fertilize each of my eggs. Crazy isn't it?

Today is my grandpa's (Gompers) birthday. Our potential future children are being created on his birthday. :) We also have 2 frozen embryos on their way to Denver as we speak from Chicago and they should arrive tomorrow. One of those was created on IVF#3 on what would've been my brother Ryan's 30th birthday. So hopefully he's watching over us and sending good vibes to our little embryos.

I have been wearing a gold thumb ring as well for good luck. My grandma (Gommers) gave it to me at Christmas for good luck and is wearing a matching one. She is so cute. :) My Mom and Dad had given me a St Girard necklace (fertility Saint and protector of mothers) as well about a year ago and I have been wearing that non-stop as well. We're not Catholic (we're Presbyterian), but we figured God would be cool with it. :)

So Adam is going to get me some cheesefries now and I couldn't be more excited. :)

Thanks for being here!

T & A

Egg Retrieval

We're back from the retrieval. We got 24 eggs, which is more than we've ever had. I'm feeling pretty crampy and pretty out of it, but glad it's over with. I'm off to find my heating pad and will update with more details later.

As always, thanks for being here!

T & A

Monday, March 2, 2009

Egg Retrieval tomorrow morning!

So we went to my Dr. this morning for my final blood test. Only one more "stick" to go! My IV for my retrieval tomorrow. We got really lucky and are apparently the first retrieval of the day in the morning. Since I can't eat or drink anything after midnight tonight, I'm glad we're early. It normally wouldn't be a big deal, but since I feel like complete CRAP and my throat hurts....not drinking anything for that long is not going to be fun. The trigger shot is an HCG shot....which is the pregnancy hormone, so I have been nauseas now too. Oh joy. Let's just say I'm SUCH a treat to be around right now. Poor Adam.

*Angry post warning*
.....At this point, I would like to extend a special "shout-out" to anyone who insists on going to work or out in public in general while they're sick. Thanks to you, Adam got an awful cold....who in turn gave it to me. I understand that work needs to get done, but for the love of god, please work from home or something. I know some people don't have that option, but if you do.....don't drag your sick rear to work just to get everyone else sick. See? See what a "b" I am today? Okay, I'm done. :)

Dr. Adam did a great job on my trigger shot last night and I got a great picture of him coming at me with the injection. :) Picture "mad scientist."

So after watching 7 hours of the Golden Girls yesterday, while Adam wanted to jump off the balcony, I'm bored out of my mind. We decided that since our procedure was pushed up to tomorrow instead of Wednesday, we are coming home on Wednesday instead of Thursday now. I miss my bed and my girls, Tenley and Cooper. This trip was never meant to be a "fun" trip, but we never imagined we would be miserably sick the whole time. We're looking at it as more of a business trip. We thought we would at least be able to get out and see a few things, but that never happened. Oh well, let's get these eggs out of me so I can come home and start feeling better.

That's enough complaining for now.......

Thanks for being here!

T & A

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Stim Check #5 and Trigger tonight!

I officially feel like crap. I'm sick as a dog and bloated and sore as hell, but the good news is we trigger tonight!

My ultrasound went well this morning and my E2 level has climbed to 4,400 so instead of letting it get much higher and get dangerous, they would like me to trigger tonight with the egg retrieval on Tuesday morning. I have been craving cheese fries like crazy for the last few days, but since I'm trying to eat so healthy.....I can now look forward to some on Wednesday once these little eggies are out of me. :)

Dr. Adam has to give me my trigger shot at exactly 10pm tonight. This is the fun one in the rear with a 1 1/2 inch intra-muscular needle. woo hoo! We have to be there at 8am on Tuesday morning and my retrieval is scheduled for 9am. For those of you unfamiliar with trigger and retrieval. CCRM does the trigger shot exactly 35 hours before the retrieval. Everything is timed just perfectly. Please just pray for lots of eggs!!!!!

So my instructions for tonight are to take the ganirelix shot as usual, followed by the trigger shot at 10pm on the dot. I go for bloodwork in the morning....and then no more shots!!!!! My IV for the egg retrieval surgery will be my last "stick" for least until we start prepping for the Transfer in a few months. :) The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter!

Thanks for being here!

T & A