Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Update and Last Post

Hi everyone,

Yes, I'm back for one final post. :) I have received so many e-mails etc. asking if everything was okay because you never heard another word from me after my last post at 16 weeks pregnant.

I realize it was a really crappy way of ending things...out of the blue like that and for that, I am truly sorry. My blog was originally started as a place where I could vent and share my emotions about what we were going through, and once it felt like things were finally looking promising for us with a healthy pregnancy, I freaked out and was afraid of jinxing anything. I also had so many followers who were still fighting to make their dream come true and it just felt wrong to be talking about how happy I was. Nobody understands what infertility feels like until you have walked through it and felt how much it hurts. It is such an open wound. I really had a hard time accepting that it was finally okay for me to be happy.....it was hard to disconnect from the Tiff I had become for 4 years of struggling to get pregnant...and becoming the pregnant, happy Tiff. It felt too good to be true.

We finally had a happy ending to our journey on December 20th when we delivered healthy twin boys at 37 weeks exactly. They weighed in at 6 lbs. 10 oz. and 5 lbs. 14 oz. I was HUGE. We feel more than blessed to be their parents and we promise not to take anything for granted. I look at them every day and even though they are 5 months old now, I still can't believe they're mine. Mine to cherish, protect and love unconditionally.

To all of my friends who are still on their journey to become parents. My heart and soul are with you. I pray EVERY day for God to make your dreams come true and for your lives to be blessed the way ours have been. Please don't give up. You will be parents one way or the other....biologically, through adoption, through surrogacy, through egg or sperm donors, through fostering......but one thing I know for sure.....when you hold your baby for the first time, you will forget about everything you have gone through to get to that point. It will all just melt away and you will feel whole again. You will feel love that you have never felt before. It will all have been worth it. Every shot, every tear, every night you cried yourself to sleep, every BFN, every blood test, daily trips to the doctor, every painful procedure, that feeling of betrayal by your body......it will never be completely forgotten or gone because it has shaped you to be the person you are, but it will be pushed aside and overwhelmed by the new feelings of happiness you deserve to feel. I wish that for everyone.

Thank you again to everyone for all of the love, prayers and support over the last 4 years. We love you!

T & A ( and the boys)


Michaela said...

Tiff I am seriously so happy and relieved to hear that you are finally a mama!!!!!!!! You worked so hard to get those boys and I wish you nothing but the best. I am sad you are going but then again I am even happier that you journey is complete. HUGS from me and if you want to check in on me I will be doing another round of IVF next year! Oh and I should have an email address in my profile so if you do end up with a mommy blog I would love to see it! CONGRATS on your two precious boys and I wish you guys nothing but the best!

Blossom and Her Fruit said...

And you know I adore you! XO